Labor / Trends / Alcohol Physiology

Class started with an odds n' ends. Jennilee was at a Mexican restaurant where an old-school piercing fire alarm went off for a solid half hour. She was one f the few people in the establishment, and no one ever came over to explain what was happening, the staff just sat around dumbly, neither moving or calming. What basically had a negative outcome could have been spun positive by just a little human touch, or perhaps a free drink. I told the tale of the miserable meal I had with B at Kelly & Ping in Soho (who the hell fills a shumai with tuna fish and doesn't warn the customer?) Liz and her boyfriend ordered food from Dominos, and had a good time following along on the site as they informed her that her pizza was being prepped, in the oven, packaging for delivery, on the way, etc. Richard suspects it's all a bit of bullshittery, but ya never know.

We crunched numbers on labor costs. Spinning for the # of guests served, labor hours used, average wage and average guest check amount, all sorts of statistics were spun out: labor dollar per guest served, guest served per labor hour, labor cost percentage, etc. A restaurant can be broken down into parts, whether it's simply back of house and front of house or by station, and a sales per labor hour can be calculated for each person. If one part is over or understaffed for whatever reason, these stats will tease it out.

We had a guest speaker from an ad agency who specialized in restaurants and food retail, and was pretty underwhelming. A one-dimensional PowerPoint listed trends this year, some a little interesting, some self-evident, some totally inane. Maybe part of it was the speaker, a lower level rep who was stepping in for someone who got badly bitten by a pit bull. But part of it was their list of current trends: Food as pop culture (with a pic of Rachel Ray in a bikini top licking a fudgy wooden spoon while gazing at the camera with wide dumb cow eyes) is a gimme, as is the local-seasonal-green-community angle. But "blind dining", the trendlette to eat a meal while in the dark or blindfolded? Do I need to pay an ad agency to tell me that comfort food, cheap food and international street food are trendy?

Even more egregious were the tips for guerrilla marketing. First, if I'm going to pay an ad agency, aren't I committing right there to mainstream traditional marketing? Isn't the point of guerrilla marketing so I DON'T have to pay an ad agency? The list of tactics kind of reached this conclusion for me: website, social networking, reach out to food blogs, etc -- all stuff that can be done free or on the cheap.

The only trends that caught my ear was tea -- as an ingredient. People tend to think of tea as 'healthy', and the flavor profiles of different teas could be kinda cool, Another was 'micro-size'. Portions have always been either too huge, or back in the 80s ridiculously small. Reducing portion size to reflect a healthier way of eating AND reduce prices (while maintaining a good food cost percent) kind of turns me on. But for these two cool trends, the agency person spouted silliness like "underground dining", informal food clubs and hosted dinners where instead of being with friends, you pay strangers to enter their homes and eat their food. I think people are doing that to totally escape the reach of douche bag trend marketers....

Class concluded with a look at the physiological effects of alcohol....or more precisely, alcohol abuse. A drink of booze is not such a bad thing. Drinking too much will destroy you. As is the modus operandi of most fear-mongering absolutists (hello, MADD!), what is defined as 'abuse' is never really made clear, but the results of abuse abundantly so.

From a drink, a small amount of alcohol can be absorbed in the mouth. So even if you taste and spit, you can theoretically get drunk, Down the throat, alcohol is toxic to the lining of the esophagus, and abuse will increase the chances of cancer here. In the heart, abuse will raise blood pressure and increase heart size due to increased fat. Most alcohol is metabolized in the liver, where abuse will turn it into foie gras -- fatty and enlarged, a.k.a. cirrhosis. Twenty percent of alcohol enters the bloodstream through the stomach, where too much will tear up stomach walls and have all sorts of pleasant symptoms. Most alcohol enters the blood through the small intestine, which is why a vodka enema is so dangerous. Inflammation, pain, bleeding, I need not write more.

And the kicker to this is what the U.S.A. now defines as abuse: the legal definition of alcohol intoxication. A blood alcohol level of .08% makes it illegal to drive. That's one drink for a petite woman, 2 drinks for the majority of the population within one hour. If that is 'abuse', then we are a world of abusers. Who says prohibition can't happen again?